Mrs. Schwarz: Winter Break Cut Short

 As I refreshed the weather app on my phone for the hundredth time, I accepted that it wasn’t going to change. I was supposed to have one more day to do all of the things that I had wanted to do before my son went back to college. But, with the impending storm coming, we lost that time and we had to take him back a day early. Three weeks at home still didn’t seem like enough time with him. Before the break, I had visions of us spending so much quality time together. We would go out to lunch, I would make his favorite dinners and we would sit around talking and catching up on all of his new adventures. But, with the stress and chaos of the holidays and the time that he wanted to spend with his friends, life didn’t go according to my plan. And here we are…preparing for him to leave again. 

As we sat in the car driving along the winding roads that lead to his school, we talked about life in a way that we haven’t before. We talked more like peers and less like mother and son. He told me things differently than he had before. His perspectives have changed. His life views were more mature and his plans for his future have evolved. I looked over at this man sitting next to me and realized, maybe for the first time, that he is no longer my little boy. A sadness took over as I remembered how he used to only be able to fall asleep if he could twirl my hair or how he always cuddled with me in the mornings while we watched cartoons together. Time seemed to go by so much slower then. I remembered that he still would tell me he loved me in front of his friends, even when he was probably too old to do so without being teased. And I ached a little for the time that went by far too quickly. 

As we continued along and our conversation continued, the sadness slowly began to fade away and was replaced with a sense of pride as I looked at my son differently than I had before. He had his whole life ahead of him. He seemed excited to go back to see his new friends, to go back to his training and his classes. His life was there now. As we talked, I suddenly realized that he still needs me but that my role has changed. I can be a different kind of support for him now. I can listen, give advice, and be there for him, but he will forge his own path and that’s okay.